Maintaining, in the Stages of Changes form of the word

Well, it’s been over two weeks now since I’ve created a blog entry. Two more weeks of plugging away at this new lifestyle, getting used to it. In one of my classes this semester, I’m learning about the theory of behavioral change called “Stages of Change,” and it’s interesting to see that I’ve been going through these stages unbeknownst to myself, and I have fit each one pretty well. The theory is usually applied to health behaviors like smoking, eating badly, not exercising, and doing drugs. These are the “negative health behaviors,” and the change is how close a person is to ending the behavior for good.

The Stages of Change basically start out with precontemplation, where the person is not considering changing in the next 6 months. They are pretty resistant to the thought of it, and/or are unaware of the health benefits of change, and likewise the health consequences of what they’ve been doing. When a person moves on to contemplation, they are considering making the change in the next 6 months. Then they go into preparation, then action (when they actually stop doing the behavior), then 6 months later move into maintenance.

I had basically been stuck in contemplation for several years before I moved on to action. When I was pregnant with Zene, especially, I said the whole time that as soon as he was out (at which time I would be pretty certain I wasn’t having any more babies), I would start eating right and exercising. I talked it up pretty big to myself the whole pregnancy, thinking that would make me really do it when the time came. Well, the time came and went, and I didn’t do anything. Couldn’t find time to exercise; fatty and huge quantities of food tasted better to me than the alternative.

The whole time though, I was contemplating… I had done strange little things, like I decided I would no longer buy bigger t-shirts. At first, I was just saying “I won’t move to 2XL. I will not be a person who has to wear 2XL, ever." So, I didn’t. And even though I didn’t lose any weight, I soon told myself I was no longer buying XL t-shirts either. I would buy Large shirts, and they didn’t fit me very well, but my thought was that I would eventually shrink into them. If I didn’t, I could at least be showing off my huge fatty guns, back, and belly, and in some way be proud of them. I didn’t want to be ashamed of my body, and I also didn’t want to buy XL t-shirts. True, I did have a lot of larger shirts around, and I used the heck out of them… just didn’t buy any.

I also just had a general sense that eventually in my future, I was going to be lean and healthy and feel great. I knew it was coming, I just couldn’t see ‘round the corners ahead to see when it was going to happen. I have been planning for years that when I get old I would be like Nanny. I will be in shape, riding bikes and swimming laps and whatever I could do to keep myself moving and healthy. I want to be one of those active older ladies. I don’t want to live the last several years of my life in a living room chair. Or, maybe I will, but that will be when I’m in my nineties. I look forward to those days, actually, but I just want to make sure that I live a lot before then.

So that brings me to today. With 6 months under my belt, I’m officially in maintenance, Stages of Change-wise. According to my text book, “maintenance is the stage in which people have made specific, overt modifications in their lifestyles and are working to prevent relapse ... They are less tempted to relapse and are increasingly more confident that they can continue their changes.” I am indeed increasingly more confident; I know that this is the life for me. I eat what I want to when I really really want to, but most of the time I eat smart. I love exercising, and I know that as long as I continue doing it I will continue to love it. It is only people who don’t exercise who think that exercising sucks.

And check out my new graph. I know, it’s funny to be this braggedy when I’m still many pounds over 200, which is hard for healthy (or just thin) people to imagine ever being… but this is a big thing for me. I’m getting closer and closer to the <200 mark. I’m looking very forward to it, as does everyone who loses weight after having been out of control for a long time. Here I am, maintaining in the Stages of Changes form of the word. Maintaining my lifestyle, and continually adapting to my new self. I love it. I feel great. 

An emo music-filled running day

To quote a term that the kids are using these days, I'm feeling a little "emo" this afternoon. For those of you who don't happen to know any young hipsters, I'll tell you to the best of my knowledge: picture Edward from Twilight. Brooding, sullen, for no particular reason.

I had been pretty nervous about today, because Week 4 has me doing 5 minute runs. Up to now the most I had done was 3 minutes, and that was pushing it.

So anyway, picture a brooding and sullen me. Entering the afternoon with little expectation of extraordinary achievement or even satisfaction. Time ticks on, 3:30 comes around, and it's time to do Week 4 Day 1 of the Couch to 5k challenge. "Oh well. Whatever. I'll do it, but I don't have to like it." I pop in my earbuds and head to the gym. I decide that I'm way too moody to watch any silly movie while I run, so I'll just listen to my emo running mix, stare at the wall, and brood. 

Listening to music on shuffle is like inviting the hand of God onto your iPod. I don't know if he's really taking time to make me a running mix, but my mind certainly can put him in there, giving me little messages with each subsequent song. The first song was a Tab Benoit song from a mix from our friend Matt, and has Matt's voice at the beginning saying "Let's go..." It was lighthearted and just good pure steel guitar music. Wonderful for getting the heart pumping. Next was Genesis' Mama, and I was drumming those slow chunky beats in the air as I ran my first short run. Not sure how the next few songs transpired, but U2's Where the Streets Have no Name was definitely in there. Medeski, Martin, and Wood's Let's Go Everywhere came up too, and I almost skipped it, but it reminded me of my kids: "don't forget to call your mama!" Rush's Tom Sawyer got me to the end of the workout, Neal Pert's drumming never ceasing to thrill me, as always.

The two 5-minute runs in this workout were difficult, don't get me wrong. But they were do-able because I was focused on music. I even turned up the speed halfway through each of them, because the music was just pulling me forward. I let the screen go off on my phone at the beginning of the workout, and never turned it back on. I am usually betting myself not to look at the screen, and this time I just didn't care. 

As the after-workout cool down walk was completing, a rockin' song came on. It was Depeche Mode's A Pain that I'm Used To (from their newer album, Playing the Angel). I decided to start the song over at the end of the official workout, and ran three and a half extra minutes to that song before doing another few minutes of cool down. 

So, Week 4 Day 1 complete. I guess being emo can be beneficial sometimes.

Reese's Eggs and Other Things I Must Look Away From

Immediately when I walk into my local grocery store, this is the gauntlet that I have before me:

...and these don't actually bother me very much, because I know they suck. But the stuff in this next picture appeals to two of my inherent senses: 1. chocolate, and 2. a DEAL!

The worst thing of all, however, is the inconspicuous little ditties hanging in the background of both of these pictures. These are the Reese's Easter Eggs.

 

Every year local stores fill up with these things, and they have gotten more aggressive with them each year. Last year I remember seeing a hand-written, yellow blast of info sort of sign stuck to them that said "FRESH!" and I was unable to pass the humongous stack of eggs without grabbing 4 or 5 for my cart. I guess just because they said they were fresh, and it was the first time I'd seen them in the store, and it was months before Easter, I figured I better get in on the extra special goodness. This year, I've found stacks of these gems in the oddest places around the store... in the book section, next to shampoo, and even next to the meat coolers.

I have found that, like a reformed pedophile in a schoolyard, I literally have to avert my eyes from these scrumptious goodies. I seriously look away, and it seriously helps. I look at the floor, I concentrate on my shopping list, and sometimes I look ahead to something healthy in front of me, like the produce section. This sounds like an inane trick, and maybe it is, but it gets the job done. I am almost always able to walk on by pretending they don't exist.

Now, I'm not sure that I'm going to make it all the way past Easter without eating one Reese's Easter Egg, and frankly I don't even know that that is entirely my goal. Maybe I should make it my goal...? If I had a challenge or something I think I could do it, especially if I had a partner who wanted to do it with me (any takers?). I'm going to do my best to avoid them though, whenever I can manage it. I'll also rely on my back pocket trick: "avoid it until it doesn't seem fresh and delicious anymore, and then you won't want it." That may work, but despite the "FRESH!" declaration of early last Easter Egg season, I'm pretty sure they pump enough preservation into these things to last a good many months with no noticeable effects.

Check back with me in a few months. If my ass has started to look like a big brown Easter egg, you'll know that I have failed miserably.

A few notes on food

This will be a bullety post today. I'm just having some random thoughts on foods, and wanted to get them down...

• First, why are some bags of dried apricots delicious and actually dry, but some come slimy and sticky? And I'm talking about the exact same brand... maybe they over- or under-sulfated it? What the heck does that sulfate do anyway? Preserve it? Dried foods at the Co-op are typically un-sulfated, so I guess it's something that crunchy people like to avoid. 
• Lean Cuisines are underrated. They can be delicious. First of all, I add to almost all my Lean Cuisine meals a cup of vegetable, usually fresh steamed broccoli. Lately I've been adding peas some days, because they go great with some stuff, and I keep a frozen bag of them for when I'm out of broccoli. Also, I keep in my drawer at work now containers of: kosher salt, red pepper flakes, black peppercorns in one of those disposable pepper mills, and also oregano (which I have yet to use, but it seemed like a good idea at the time). I add pepper and red pepper to almost everything, and I only salt vegetables that I'm eating by themselves. Lean Cuisines have PLENTY of salt in them to share with steamed veggies that I'm throwing in. 
• It's funny how when you're "dieting" you think you can't have things like milk chocolate. The other day I had 2 Hershey Kisses, and of course added them into my Calorie Count database. That's 52 calories. Hey listen, if I want a damn Hershey Kiss and all it's going to cost me is 26 calories a pop, you can be sure I'm going to have one. No sense in rubber banding myself out over a tiny piece of chocolate. Just eat the darn thing! Although, after about 3 days of driving with a huge bag of Kisses lying next to me on the seat and having one or two of them every day, I had to pitch that thing into the back of the car. I don't need that kind of temptation; one bad afternoon and that whole bag might be emptied by me in 10 minutes.

Okay, I think that's it for now. I completed Week 2 Day 1 of Couch to 5k training the other day, and I have learned recently that as far as my plantar fasciitis foot goes, standing still and walking (especially in bad shoes) is MUCH worse than a little bit of running in semi-good shoes. What does that tell me? Don't ever wear any of my crappily-padded shoes anymore, AND get a good pair of running shoes, because pretty soon it's going to be more than 90 second at a time runs.

I'm still weighing in the same as last time I reported. 220, there I said it. I might as well start posting the actual number on here. I weigh two HUNDRED and twenty pounds... and that's a huge improvement from 6 months ago. It's good that weightloss didn't keep going on as fast as it had been. Gives me something to work for.

Keep it real, Dear Readers! All two of you! I love you both!

Progresso Light Soup

The other day, per Roni's mentioning of them, I proceeded to seek out, peruse, purchase, and consume one of Progresso's Light soups, and it was delish! I tried the regular Vegetable (no chicken or beef added, though not vegetarian), and it was tasty. I added small-cut steamed broccoli for added bulk. My only concern for the meal (other than the high sodium) was that it was only 120 calories (I ate the whole can, 2 servings), and I was afraid I'd get super hungry in the afternoon. I didn't though... had a serving of Triscuits several hours later, but I was actually totally full after the soup. I'm looking forward to trying the Southwestern-Style Vegetable. The beans look delicious. 


Plus, because the sweet prizes pictured below would be fun to win, 



I entered Roni's Souper Duper Contest!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

Mind and Body

I lost 3 more pounds in the last week, on top of the 2 pounds lost the week before. As I stated last week, it's making me a little nervous. Losing weight this quickly, my mind has trouble keeping up with my body as far as getting used to the changes. I want to do this slowly and methodically, and make it a part of my life forever... I want my body to be on board with that plan, but it seems to be pretty excited to be working well again, and ready to get to working even better.

I have always loved imagining the relationship between my mind and body. I've never felt like my mind and body are the same entity. Maybe part of this journey will be getting them to be just that, working in sync with each other, each happy with the other's point of view. See? Still, even when I talk about a future where they are in sync, it's not that they will be one, just that they will be in agreement.

Before, when I was eating poorly, consuming whatever my brain wanted in whatever quantity it wanted, I think my body was very depressed. He (he? seriously, Laura? but yeah, he) had been beaten down for so long, abused and uncared for, given empty calorie after empty calorie with no concern whatsoever for what he actually needed, that he was defeated. He had all but given up on having any control in this relationship with my mind.

At the same time, my mind was appeased, but never satisfied. She kept thinking that more food would bring more of the good feeling that comes with food, and that there was no better way to obtain that feeling. She was vaguely aware (because she is well-educated) that good food yields healthy and happy mind, but the more she got crappy food, the easier it was to forget that fact.

So on they continued, talking very little to each other, one pigging out for the benefit of the other, hating himself for it. The other reaping the benefits of the pigging out, trying to shut her eyes to the havoc it was reeking on her counterpart.

And now? Well, my body is loving life! He is so pleased with himself, able to do more exercise every day, shedding the pounds of years of regret, ready to take on the world! His positive response to this healthy lifestyle has led to many outward successes, including smaller jeans and the ability to start training for a 5k run.

Mind? Well, she is coming along. She still sees a big fat body in the mirror, and she sees some flab that will never go away. She asks herself if that's out of her control, because of beautiful babies who once lived in there. She feels guilt for having oppressed the body in her control for so long. She's happy to see that he is thriving, and she wants to be right there with him, but it's harder for her to change. She wants to slow him down, reign him in a bit, but fears that would lead to her completely taking over control again. She knows that control should be shared. So, Mind trudges on, somewhat behind Body, but hoping that her pace and his will meet up again soon. They should get to know each other again, after all.

Couch to 5k Training, here I come!

I had been feeling good today: rockin' some new smaller jeans and a sweater that used to be too small, clean hair, small-calorie yet very filling breakfast and lunch. Even my right foot hadn't been hurting today. I was walking the hallways with ease of stride and relative tightness of belly. Feeling a slight burn behind my knees from Yoga stretches last night. Altogether, ridin' high. Of course though, feeling the usual Monday not-so-much-wanting-to-go-to-the-gym feeling, which is normal for me after a nice relaxing weekend. Knowing this, I decided to push through and go the gym anyway. Today I didn't make it an option for myself. I was going to the gym, period.

While walking the short way across our lot to the gym building, I spontaneously decided to get on the treadmill today, and do a day of Couch to 5k training. For some reason, this didn't seem at all like a challenging thought. I've been exercising like crazy on the elliptical machine, surely running with intermittent walking throughout for 30 minutes would pose no huge hurdle, right?

When I stepped into the gym, I went to the treadmill and turned it on. First time I've ever done that. Went to change, started my Couch to 5k app, and went to town. I did Day 2 of the training, which is a 5 minute warmup, then alternating 90 seconds walking and 60 seconds jogging, with a 5 minute cool down.

I noticed right away that Day 2 of Couch to 5k training was going to be no problem for me to accomplish. Last time I did Day 2 was back in... October?... and I was so exhausted by the end that I had to walk through the last two 60 second runs. This time, no problem at all. I felt almost silly that I was even doing Day 2. Could've started on maybe Day 3 or 4.

So, there I go. I've done it. I'm going to see how my foot feels tonight, and hopefully I won't have any major trouble out of it. If it's fine, on Wednesday I'll do Day 3. What's to stop me? Nothing at all. If I could do a 5k by this summer, I will be ...well, it will be awesome.