Where I've Been

There's no way to get around it: I've been absent. Absent from here, from any comments on the blogs I love to read, absent even from reading those blogs, even absent from Twitterings. I haven't been able to be found in any local gyms, nor running on the streets around my home, nor even in my basement workout room. I've been absent from all the old places where I used to spend time on myself.

Where have I been?

For awhile I was in only one place: work. I've never had a job like this before. I've never learned this much about anything in such a short time (except maybe when I was a toddler learning to talk/walk/etc). For awhile it was like I was on a rocky precipice with no ropes, no training, and barely any muscles, just hanging on and somehow managing to move upward. The difference between then and now is my attitude. In my mountain analogy, I guess I have managed to beg God to tilt the cliff just a little so that I can lay down once in awhile and rest. It's still there; I'm still moving; I'm just not letting it try to kill me anymore.

Since I've made this change, I have been working on my mind to get it healthy again. I've been reading books that have helped, have consulted sisters, mom, friends and husband, and I now feel that I'm on the right track. I used to only have issues with my body, and the issues with my mind were closely related to my body... but this was a different kind of thing altogether. I was scared of this new kind of problem, but I've got a hold of it now.

I feel like I am now back in a place where I can get my mind and body both happy by adding back exercise and focusing on what I eat. I'm continuing with the book regimen, the talking with those close to me, and planning to develop a routine of meditation.

Anyway, I went running this morning. It was hard to get up, but I did it, and I ran/walked for 24 minutes. Made up a good playlist for myself, laid my clothes out ahead of time, and even though it was 20-some degrees this morning, I went out. It was great. I feel great. I need to remember this feeling next time I don't feel like getting up to run.

Turns out I wanted to talk about my job

I don't have anything specific that I want to say today, but I was finally reading a few entries on my stand-by favorite blog (Roni's Weigh), and I felt like writing. The coffee is helping... have I ever mentioned that coffee gets me positively high? Well, it does.

I'm sitting here in my office. Next to my huge window. Overlooking (a parking lot, and) Chuck Yeager Bridge in Charleston, WV. It's cloudy this morning, and the sun is shooting out from between some clouds with smoky beams of light heading down over the mountain. It's quiet because not everybody is here yet... I already have an email request waiting for me, but I've chosen to ignore it for these few minutes.

I think the bottom line here is that I am very happy to be gainfully employed, after a very trying year of not being sure what would be next for me and the rest of the Cooper Family. In addition, I also really like my job, and I love that my office has this window. Not everybody gets one, but I have one. Some people have one but keep the blinds shut all day. I think that's a waste. Even though the weather outside is affecting my comfort sitting here right next to the window, I'm going to tough it out, and eventually one day I'll be looking out at snow falling on the parking lot. I don't know if I'll get anything done that day.

I've liked this job since the day it started, at least after I realized that my supervisor really was a nice guy, and that the lady I would be working with didn't hate me (ladies tend to hate me). I came into the job in a very busy time, so busy in fact that my group was "sequestered" in another part of the building, working out of a conference room, allowed very little interruption. We have since moved back to our offices, but that time in the conference room getting to know everyone, sharing breakfasts, snacks, jokes, and stories, was priceless. I know for sure that all of us who were up there miss it very much.

One sad thing that has happened since then is that the lady I was working with, who actually shares my first name, is gone. She needed to take a better-paying job to support her family, and has thus moved on to greener pastures. I miss her very much. She and I are similar people... she's a harder worker than I am, but we both have a strong sense of team and a drive for accomplishment. We worked well together, but more importantly she very quickly became a great friend. I don't befriend people (women) very readily, so this took me by surprise. Plus, she knew everything about this job. I could ask her anything and she knew the answer.

Now, I sit in this office alone, nobody on the other side of the ridiculous partition to make a joke to, nobody to lovingly call me "Coop" and deal out generous compliments to my already-inflated ego. I am still very busy, so the boss has told people specifically not to visit my office unless absolutely necessary. But alas, I have this window, and I have this job. Don't tell anybody who works here, but often when I sit down by this window with a stack of paper in front of me to go to work, the thought involuntarily pops into my head: "I love my job." Crazy, isn't it?

For the Record 9/8/12

As promised, here is my second installment of For the Record, my new Saturday tradition of telling about my day.

Bryan and I woke today sans kids, and it was lovely. We slept in late ('till almost 8 o'clock), had coffee, and headed to the tile store. We spent over two hours there, unencumbered by whining children, and picked out tile for several projects we plan to have done at our new house.

Yes, that's right, our new house. We have a contract, are pre-approved for a loan, and a plan to buy a new house! We are very excited, but feel like we've lost what we hoped for so many times before, we are still waiting to see if it really actually works out. Bryan's done so much work planning the necessary projects to make the house better for our use... we've met with contractors, HVAC guys, and are trying to see an electrician.

It's such a weird feeling to really feel like all this craziness we've been dealing with finally has an end in sight.

After the tile store, we went out to pick up the kids, then went to lunch. Zene was ridiculously tired today, and napped a little in the car on the way home. We chilled at home for awhile, watched some tv, then I went to the store to get stuff for Bryan to make dinner. The kids played with their friend DJ all day, and are now having a sleepover with him. I hope they actually go to sleep sometime tonight.

We had dinner, I made chocolate chip cookie bars, and now we're settled in to watch random football games. This is the point of the night where I would normally read the book I've been reading on Kindle, but alas I left my iPad at work yesterday, so I will go without. Feeling kinda sleepy anyway.

Saturday nights are awesome. Very different from how they were 12 years ago, but just as enjoyable.

Our Labor Day

Today is proof that writing is good for me. I sat outside this morning, gathering my thoughts while writing in this blog, then preceded to go forth and have a wonderful day. Here's what I/we did today:

• After writing in my blog, went inside, and Zene asked what was for breakfast, so I cleaned the kitchen, made breakfast, and I had an awesome omelet with black bean corn salsa & green peppers, with a whole wheat English muffin. 
• Watched a movie with Bryan over breakfast & coffee
• Played What's in Ned's Head and Sorry! with the kids
• (This is the best part) Packed up a basketball and water, and went for a walk with the kids to the park. Ran/walked a couple laps while they played, then played basketball with Tayan for like an hour, as if I didn't care at all how I looked doing it, because I don't. Walked most of the way back home too, then Bryan picked us up. 
• Went out to eat at Cheddar's, even enjoying the time we had to wait by shopping around town with our buzzer. 
• Cut the boys' hair for the first time! It was a ill stressful for us all, but turned out well. 
• Played some wicked music with my band, and encouraged us to actually schedule a Real Gig. 

Now I am showered, tired in a great way, and feeling like I did right by the whole family today, including myself. 

And one more great thing... On our walk today, Tayan said "Wow, look at that huge hill over there. Can you imagine walking up that?" It was out of our way, but I encouraged them and pretty much forced them to try it. Tayan was protesting, refusing to run, but I was only positive, telling him he was doing great walking up the hill. He started to run then, and made it to the top. It was awesome. We were so proud of ourselves. 

I think exercising with the kids may be the answer to my current exercise issues. It points out to me why I'm really doing this--to be able to teach them that this is how we live. Actively. 

Thank God for Paid Holidays

Essentially it is a Monday morning. I slept till 7:30, and just rolled outta bed ten minutes ago.  Other than trying to catch the newest chain restaurant at a less busy than usual time, to eat lunch, I have no concrete plans for the day. Part of the reason I laid in bed half asleep for nearly an hour is because I wasn't sure what I want to do next. Here are the activities I have been considering for the morning:

1. Go to an amusement park (not really an option; too far/expensive)
2. Do laundry (much more grounded, but fun...?)
3. Go swimming (meh)
4. Drink coffee and watch a movie (nice, but usually leads to an unfulfilling day)

And the more healthy choices:

1. Make a nice omelet and clean the kitchen for cooking later
2. Do my Burpees Body Transformation Challenge workout, or
3. Go for a run.

It looks like I've decided to do none of these things, and enjoy sitting on the quiet porch and pontificate to my iPad about things I want/ought to be doing. Since I'm here, I should do my best at the choice I've apparently made.

I thank God and the federal government for paid holidays. Do you know some people have to give up money from their usual paycheck to enjoy a Labor Day holiday? Sure, they don't have to go to work that day, but they have to actually pay for it, and even they still love holidays! 

In our time right now of much traveling and uncounted stresses, we choose to treat this holiday like any other Sunday, minus the opportunity to feel like we ought to go to church. I think this is a great way to approach the day off, and really helps Tuesday feel like Monday when we go back to our busy routine tomorrow...

...but my, this morning is perfect for a run. I know that I have one in me, but somehow that's not good enough. If I run today, will I run again this week? Will I do a 5k in a couple of months? Will I still be a Runner next year? Somehow, all this matters to me as I consider how to start this day off right. I love myself, but sometimes I just wish I could take it easy on me. 

For the Record: An Introduction

I started "For the Record" many years ago, as a way to account a little bit of every day of my life. It's a Word document I keep on my hard drive, and whenever I feel like it I give it an update. It's based on a diary that my grandma used to have. I was always amazed that she would allow me to read it, but after reading it I knew why. It wasn't a "diary" as my 10 year old brain understood it; rather, it was an account of every day of her life. It had entries like "Kids came to visit today. We played Scrabble..." 

So here, for the first time, I'm going to start sharing my For The Record thoughts, once a week, on Saturdays. Here's the first one. Enjoy. 

__________________________________________

For The Record...

9/1/12

Wow, it's the first day hath September. I have learned something today: I am better--happier--saner when I am writing. I have said for a long time, jealously, that true artists (musicians, painters, etc) are what they are because they can't be sane without doing their art. I love to make music, and I love drawing, but I can be sane without them. Maybe I can't be without writing. 

I'm sitting on my front porch in Beckley. I've been awake since 4:55. It's Saturday. Lupin and Pumpkin the Cat are with me, the sun is starting to lighten up the sky, and the three of us are watching  a squirrel disquieting this lovely morning by continuing to jostle the leaves of his nearby oak tree. It is comical how the three of us are similarly disturbed by this, but only I am also amused by it. It's nice to be one of the animals, curiously watching another animal do his thing, but I am also a Person, so I see differently than they do. 

Oh, and now Lupin is jealous that the cat is free to go wait fruitlessly under the tree for Said Squirrel to mishappenly fall from it into his waiting claws. So much so that Lupin is currently looking over his shoulder at me with disdain, as icily as a Labrador can (ie, as icy as a Hershey bar in August). 

There are mosquitos out here. I am pretending not to care. 

I think I may have promised Zene last night that we would camp tonight at Nana's house. I think he said to me "Does Daddy know we're going to camp tomorrow at Nana's house?" and I may have replied "Don't tell him yet, but yes we will." 

Bless Me Blogger, for I Have Sinned

It's been several months since my last blogfession.

Oh, where to begin. How about with yesterday... only a few hours ago now, because I am awake at 5:43AM this morning, and have been since 4:55. There was no exercise yesterday, and here's what I ate/consumed for the day:

from 5:30AM when I woke up 'till 10:30 - Nothing at all
10:30 - a large sausage biscuit
12:30PM - a mint chocolate chip Klondike bar
3:00 - a chocolate chip cookie bar
5:15 - another chocolate chip cookie bar
6:00 - a Saranac Adirondack Lager (oddly, while sitting in my Adirondack chair)
7:00 - 8:30 - a teeny tiny Greek salad with hardly any feta, 6 chicken wings, a pepperoni roll, and about 1 entire pitcher of Pabst Blue Ribbon

I barely remember anything else about yesterday evening. Bryan drove us home, and I remember Zene asking me to lay down with him. I don't remember if I did that, I don't remember if we said prayers or if the kids had pajamas on, but I do remember being very surprised that everything was so spinny, and surprised to wake up in my chair in the livingroom at midnight by myself.

It's hard for me to tell that story. It seems like way too much information to share publicly. I don't want people to know that I would ever lose time after drinking, and I don't want to believe it myself. I am so ashamed of how I ate yesterday, and the weird thing is, at the time, it didn't even seem that bad. I was so busy at work (which is very new for me), and it was so important that I crank out 3 applications, and the day felt so weird like it was just flying by at double speed... that when Klondike bars showed up, and I wasn't that lunch hungry, I was like "Sure, of course I'll have one right now without even having lunch."

Then I came home and had a beer. Totally normal and acceptable for a Friday evening, except that the one beer made me half drunk for lack of regular food.

Then, at dinner... last time we went there for dinner, I drank lots of beer, and ate LOTS of pizza, wings, etc. I didn't want a repeat of that, so I guess I ordered accordingly. Ate a pepperoni roll from the kids plate, and finished Bryan's beer because he was driving. Subsequently, I realize now that I may have also inherited Bryan's throat-scorching cold because of that beer. Great.

Now it's 5:59AM, I'm awake with a headache, and I feel like a poop stain.

In the immortal words of Axl Rose, "Where do we go from here? Aye Aye Aye Where do we go now? Aye ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay WHERE DO WE GO???!"

You get the point.