Buying a House Sucks and Other News

Well, I haven't "worked out" since I did that plank/burpees workout three days ago. This is the first day I've woken up since then that I didn't have to roll out of bed because my stomach muscles hurt so badly. I have done some active stuff though, for instance spending an hour up in a 100 degree attic yesterday and sweating at least a cup of calories out. It's funny how you can burn calories by doing nothing but being hot. Then I ended up spending lunch and dinner eating 4 pieces of gut-globbing cheesy pizza though--yea me.

This is Tuesday of my last week as an unemployed person, and believe me I am excited about it. I kindof hate being unemployed, because it makes me feel kinda useless to society. On the other hand, it's been great being with the kids so much. I guess I haven't been with them this consistently since they were newborns. We have a nice rhythm going, and they are enjoying Summertime almost as much as kids on Sesame Street. They play outside from the time their neighbor friend gets up (which is shockingly late) 'till we force them to come in at night. We go swimming, they eat popsicles and ice cream, they go visit the strange, single neighborhood grown-up man (just kidding, they don't do that).

So anyway, buying a house sucks. Shew, I don't even know if I want to go into it now. Long story short:

1. in Early June, we found a house we wanted in Charleston
2. some people wanted to buy our house, we went under contract
3. next day we put in an offer on the Charleston house
4. a week later, found out the people can't buy our house- can't get the loan
5. we're still under contract on Charleston house, contingent that our house sells first
6. ..like, within the next week and a half
7. ...which isn't possible
   

So our only hope of getting that house now are to 1. get under contract on our house ASAP, and 2. get the relocation company that owns the Charleston house to give us another month to close on their house, without adding 1.5% to the cost, which is what they want to do. Needless to say, we're working on back-up plans. The main thing is, we really want the kids to start school in the city and district that we'll be living in. We're trying to find out if we can rent a place in Charleston if needs be. Maybe we could even rent the house we plan to own... we'll see. It's all a crazy mess, and one thing we've learned is that real estate agents suck. They are never working for our best interests, only their own. I mean, that's what people do naturally I know, but you expect people to go against their nature a little bit to help you out when you hire them to do it. 

We're hopeful that something is going to work out. I mean, something will definitely work out, but we don't know when or what it'll be. It's a hard place to be, but people are in much harder places than this. We're trusting that God has a great plan for us, and we will be as patient as we can while we wait to see what it is. 

My Life Lately

I really have to learn to write in this "journal" even when there is only mediocre progress to report. One thing I've learned about myself recently: I am very hard on myself. It's hard for me to look at maintaining, getting by, and keeping the kids alive for the day as positive. I feel like I have to go beyond, excel, and make sure the kids had fun and are worn out for the day to be positive. I know the truth, but I have to work on teaching myself to be satisfied.

My progress since last visit (in mid-May):

1. I've continued to maintain my weightloss
2. My kids haven't killed each other or been seriously maimed while I've stayed home to watch them
3. I continue to eat a lot of healthy foods
4. I got a J-O-B!

Haven't done so well on the exercise, which has been getting me a little down in the dumps lately. This is the first year since 2010 that I haven't done any 5k's at all. Last year I didn't do one 'till August, so I still have time, but I'm not sure I really want to. Okay, I do want to be able to run 3.1 miles, and I'd love to do it in a group early on a Saturday morning and whatnot... just not sure I want to run 3x a week for several weeks to get to that point. We'll see. Things are about to change in my life once again as I start my new job, and eventually get moved to a new city. 

Our routine right now is that Bryan gets up early to commute one hour to work, and I stay home with the kids. It's been that way since my previous job ended back in mid-June. Honestly, the prospect of being home with the kids scared the crap out of me, and some days have been pretty hard. Some days have been great though, especially the ones where we do something exciting like go to the pool. The hard days are when I try really hard to get something important done, like work on  contracts and documents having to do with attempting to buy a new house.

The house-buying hasn't gone so great, but not by any fault of ours. We were approved for a bigass loan, which is great, and we got a contract on the house we want to buy, which is great, but what isn't so great is the people who wanted to buy our house didn't get their loan. So now we're stuck. We need the considerable down payment that will come from selling our house in order to buy the next house. No two ways about that, and now we have to wait and see if it's going to still be possible to get the house we really want and currently have locked up in a contract that runs out at the end of this month.

This week I realized that if I continued not to exercise, it was going to continue to wreak havoc on my mood. Two days ago I had an awful day. I loaded around all day and ate really crappy stuff. By the end of the day I was just so done with dealing with anything anymore, and I knew all of it was attributable to the way I felt about myself for not exercising lately. Yesterday I woke up and mowed the grass in the  morning, which is a great workout and makes the yard look great. Subsequently, I had a great day. Felt great, ate well, and even logged my food for the day. Today, I took my own advice and started my day with a workout of plank, mountain climbers, and burpees. I will also incorporate some more activity into the rest of my day, and log my food for the day.

So, that's where I've been lately. I'll be back tomorrow, and let you know how today went. 

Ghosts

Walking down the hall today to heat up my lunch after a long morning getting stuff that used to be "ours" loaded onto trucks to new homes, I started to notice the ghosts.

The hallway was dark, because nobody had been in it today to turn on a light.
Some office doors were open to reveal the emptiness of chairs and furniture.
Some doors were thankfully shut to keep their emptiness hidden.
The faint sound of papers shredding came from behind me, down another hall.
Most of those who still remain had gone to lunch to escape the quiet.

Near each office, I could feel the people who used to work there.
This hallway used to house Rich, Harry, Jerry, Dianne, Kate, and Jorge.
Longer ago, Billie, Walt, Ewa...
Walking down here, you'd hear Billie laughing out loud, see Harry crouched over his computer, notice Rich's giraffes.
Jerry and Kate would be in their labs, Jerry at the bench, Kate in a lab coat, weighing samples.

The hallway used to smell of coffee; there was none in the pot today.

As I left with my hot lunch, I felt a burning in my chest that almost felt like a sob.
As I walked by Iris' old office, I realized that the ghosts have been building up for quite some time now.
Iris, who's job has been vacant for two years... Tammy, who was never replaced since she left  years ago.

And now the front offices are all empty.
Stephanie's office is empty.
Stephanie was the big sister to us all; she never lacked at least one office visitor. She knew what was going on.
We have cried and laughed in that office, probably every one of us.

I walk by Sue's office, which used to never be open unless she was sitting right there at her computer.
It is open, dark, and empty.
I think of her husband, Doug, my supervisor, and I don't even want to imagine his office.
I know that it is empty, he will not turn around to greet me when I knock and go in, he won't have nice things to say, he won't be there to discuss my future or accomplishments.
His bowl of mints will be empty.

Just like in any ghost story, you realize they are there long after they have been haunting you.

Stupendous Sunday!

I've read many a "Sensational Sunday" post by Roni Noone over the years, and love seeing how productive and positive she can be on the day that brings the doldrums out in me more than any other. It's that last day of the weekend, the day when I realize that my free time is almost at an end, and laundry hasn't been done, the house is a mess, etc.

Well, not today! Bryan and I are very energized lately by our new news--that we will be moving to Charleston in the near future for his new job, so we are quite motivated to get the house sorted, organized, have a yard sale of all the stuff we don't need, and all that jazz. So when I woke up today, the first thing I did after peeing was go to the kids' room (they were at Nana and Poppy's) and start sorting things to go to the yard sale. Bryan found me a little while later and called me crazy.

After going to iHOP (I have to spell it that way now) for breakfast, we went to church. Met up with the kids and grandparents there, and I taught a rousing lesson of Children's Church. I'm really hitting my stride there. Afterwards we partook in the "International Tasting Luncheon," at which I indulged too much and felt sickly full all the way home.

At home, I decided to get active to work off that huge lunch and breakfast. Started weedeating in the front yard... then cutting down the trees that have grown in the gaps in the concrete in the back. Finally had to get a hatchet and just swing at the stupid root systems until I could chunk them all out. Swept that up. Cleared out a bunch of rotten wood that had prevented me from weed eating an area of the yard for years. Drug that at least 50-lb bag of rotten wood to the curb. Went back up front to weed eat again with a new battery. Sat for awhile. I was exhausted. Then started going through our book shelf, sorting for the yard sale and putting other stuff away. Then went to the basement and packed more cd's.

Bryan came home from play rehearsal for dinner break, and I made the kids dinner. After he left, I fed the kids and sat down with the rest of their mashed potatoes and a beer. After that I sat there in my nice, clean computer room in a comfy chair, watched the kids playing outside through the window, and finished reading a book I had started like a year ago: Fat Woman on the Mountain, about a lady who climbed Kilamanjaro. Awesome story.

Tayan came in, starting telling me a too-long story about how the kid down the street was only 5 and could ride without training wheels. Asked if we could go learn... I smiled while listening to his tale, and said "Sure." Pumped up the bigger bike's tires, and we went to it. He was awesome. Fell a few times, but caught himself and ditched the bike well. After a few tries I was letting go of him and running beside him up and down the road.

Finally we had to call it a day. It had been a long, warm day, and they were extremely exhausted. We came in, I showered, then gave them a bath. Bryan came home, and now, finally, we are getting ready to rest for the evening. What a productive day it was. I love days like this. I was wavering right after that lunchtime debaucle, and the day could've gone quite sour from that point, but instead, I rallied, and we all had a great, sweaty, dirty, day.

Twinkie

I almost ate a Twinkie tonight.
Twinkies are disgusting.
Rough, sandy, slightly-lemony cake, filled with the most delicious white filling in the world.
They are not worth it.

"What AREN'T you doing?"

On Roni's Weigh this week, Roni asked for readers to answer these questions about ourselves: 

What AREN’T you

doing,
experiencing,
trying,
achieving,
enjoying,
wearing,
feeling,
accomplishing,

that you want to be

doing,
experiencing,
trying,
achieving,
enjoying,
wearing,
feeling,
accomplishing,

simply because you don’t like the body you are in?

Here are my answers

I am not doing anything simply because I don’t like the body I am in.

I’m not afraid anymore like I used to be about my body. I don’t mind people seeing the flab on my arms, or my big hips and butt, because they are part of me and I love them. In the last few years I have

• run 5k races (nearly the slowest in every one)
• climbed a rock wall in my shortest shorts at Universal Islands of Adventure with people watching,
• played tag with my kids like it doesn’t matter that I’m 33 years old
• climbed a mountain without being winded
• strutted around for my husband, knowing that I’m as sexy as he’s always thought I was

I am not experiencing calm fulfillment simply because I don’t like the body I am in.

Although I have maintained 60 pounds of weight loss for nearly 2 years, I have been unable to rest and know that I am currently at a good, happy weight and fitness level. There is so much more fitness-wise that I know is in me, but I haven’t had the oomph to get it done. I know that if I would eat well 90% of the time (instead of my current ~60% of the time), I would lose some extra pounds that hold me back from accomplishing fitness goals.

I am not trying Chili’s newest dinner deal simply because I don’t like the body I am in.

I have been really good about avoiding restaurants that are problem places for me as far as “not much healthy to order on the menu.” I’m actually really excited about Roni’s trip to Applebee’s, and looking forward to their new <550 calorie menu. Will definitely be checking that out.

I am not achieving 5k races lately simply because I don’t like the body I am in.

Part of my body is this stupid foot of mine, which has troubled me for years. I finally got an x-ray recently and found out that there is indeed a heel spur in there, and it’s been hurting worse than ever. I am afraid to run more than 10 or so minutes at a time because of the idea of the “little rock”-like thing inside of my heel.

…the rest of these I’m going to switch up because I don’t want to be negative any more…

I’m enjoying working out 5 days a week simply because I LOVE the body I am in!

It feels wonderful to be communing with my body for 45ish minutes per day. I have been doing Nike Training workouts from the free app, and they are just brutal! Haven’t gotten beyond the “beginner” workouts, but I’m really enjoying them. I can always count on parts of my body being sore, especially my legs after a lunge and jumping-heavy workout. I’ve also been incorporating weights for upper body training, and it’s been great.

I’m wearing little dresses sometimes simply because I LOVE the body I am in!

Bryan bought me this adorable little dress that I wore on our last date, and it was awesome. It was a stretchy, loose material, so it accentuated my lovely hips, and I just looked cute. Really enjoyed wearing it and feeling special.

I’m feeling confident simply because I LOVE the body I am in!

Of course confidence waxes and wanes, but on some days like today I feel great about myself and the way I look. I can rely on the workouts that I’m doing and the good eating choices that I make, while discarding the days where I’m feeling too crappy to exercise, or decide to indulge in way too much Valentine’s candy.

I’m accomplishing my dream of loving life to its fullest simply because I LOVE the body I am in!

‘Nuff said about that one. It says it all. 

It Takes All Kinds of Days

I feel like talking about health and fitness today. I am still here struggling with the desire to and reality of becoming a fitnessy, healthy person. Here’s what I did this morning:

1. slept in because of 2 hour delay for school/work
2. had some full-caffeine coffee with ½ n ½
3. with an icing-less beet cupcake
4. still hungry, didn’t feel like fruit, had small bowl of Kashi w/soy milk
5. went to work
6. pittered my morning away (it was short because of the 2hr delay)
7. went to Ruby Tuesday with Bryan and a friend
8. did the FULL Ruby Tuesday gauntlet
1. salad bar, complete with ham/pea pasta salad
2. 2 Ruby Mini’s (beef, cheese, mayo, etc)
3. Fries on the side
4. ALSO partook in half of a Blondie for One (so, Blondie for 0.5)
9. commenced feeling full, fat, and somewhat miserable
10. went to the gym and did 40 sweaty minutes on the elliptical trainer

I don’t feel like doing any “at least…”s today. No “at least I worked out,” or “at least I only had half the Blondie.” I’m just past all that crap. I know what I need to do and I continue to not do it.

Folks, this is life. It’s so very often not perfect at all. We can’t be perfect; if we could, our moms would’ve named us at the behest of God Almighty, and our name might rhyme with Fleezus.

So here I sit, having eaten enough calories for the entire day sofar… AND, I had a great time at lunch. I ate fun food that I love, enjoyed company, and acted as if it didn’t matter at all. And it actually doesn’t. My parents always said “It takes all kinds,” from the immortal words of Daniel Dravot, played by Sean Connery in The Man Who Would Be King.

Well, it takes all kinds of days, too.