My Goal Weight

In July 2009 I was 250 pounds. I first hit 190 pounds a year later, in July 2010. By July 2011 I was... still 190. That was six months ago, and here I still am at the same weight. I've been down to as far as 186, but never for more than a day. 

I have to ask myself, why? Over and over again I have gone through the cycle of working really hard, losing a few pounds, then invariably ruining it the very next day by eating a string of things that I know I shouldn't, or avoiding exercise for several days.

There are lots of reasons I give myself for doing this. Here are a few of them:

1. I don't want to go below 180, because I look good at 180, and I have the rest of my life to lose these last 10 pounds. Might as well go slowly.

2. It's not about what I weigh, it's about what I can do. I've run 5k's, I play tag with  my kids, I can climb mountains, I don't avoid doing things because of how I'll look, and I've inspired people to make changes in their own lives.

3. I am maintaining 60lb of weightloss, and eating healthier than I've ever eaten before. Give myself a break!

So, it's like part of me is saying "I'm done. We are where we want to be." But I know that's not the truth. I am not where I want to be, and I think I've figured out what is really keeping me from losing ten pounds. 

The reason is because I actually want to lose more than 10 pounds. I keep sabotaging myself because even if I do lose 10 pounds, I will still only be barely be out of "obese," as defined by the BMI gurus (I know BMI is kindof a crock, but it's not totally useless). As a 5'6" 180lb woman, I will still be just below the upper limit of "overweight." Granted, I'm a woman who packs a lot of muscle, and muscle weighs a lot. I KNOW that I'm not currently "obese," no matter what the BMI jerks have to say about it. But still... I want to be normal. I want to at least be in the upper range of normal, which would be 150 pounds for me.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lose 40 more pounds, to make it an even 100 pounds of total weight loss. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? I've had enough time at this weight to become used to it. I'm ready to move on. I know I can do it, that's not the question. I knew I could do it when I was at my heaviest. Losing weight is easy, it's just a numbers game... you just have to have your head in that game though, or it won't work at all. Consider my head now in. 

I'm doing great on my 2 promises sofar. Remember from yesterday? They were 1, log every calorie I consume, and 2, write a blog post every day. I will do both of these for at least 7 consecutive days. We'll see if I can keep up daily blogging after that...